


Regret

by cheddarbug



Series: How the Mighty Fall [7]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Filler, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-09 03:15:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12879033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheddarbug/pseuds/cheddarbug
Summary: Sorry this took longer to post! I had started this chapter a grand total of five different times before I finally found the flow of how it needed to go!Also, I am really getting in the mood to write out Carine's relationship arc with Haurchefant too. Might help make some sense of things, or at least explain a little more on how close they were ^^





	Regret

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this took longer to post! I had started this chapter a grand total of five different times before I finally found the flow of how it needed to go! 
> 
> Also, I am really getting in the mood to write out Carine's relationship arc with Haurchefant too. Might help make some sense of things, or at least explain a little more on how close they were ^^

Carine flew through the blackening sky with one destination in mind. She emptied her mind of everything, thanking the blessed and bitter cold the higher she flew that helped in that endeavor. She didn’t care that she was shivering, she didn’t care that she was likely going to be frozen by the time she reached Ishgard, all she cared about was not hearing anything, not feeling anything, and certainly not  _ thinking _ about anything. 

If only it were that easy.

Her mind did that horrible thing it always did, replayed  _ everything _ from beginning to end on an endless loop, hoping to find the answers to the questions she didn’t want to ask. Her heart ached within her chest, breaking in a completely different way than when she had lost her friends and her Haurchefant. 

Death would have been easier to deal with, she concluded. Then she knew she wouldn’t run the risk of seeing Nero again. She wouldn’t lie awake wondering where he was and what he was doing and if he thought about her the way she did him. Even now her mind begged to know where he disappeared to and if he hurt just as she did. 

Maybe more?

The Warrior of Light had felt something within him change. She had assumed that it was him embracing the feelings she was so  _ sure _ he hadn’t felt before, at least she had taken some pride in thinking he hadn’t felt them with anyone other than her. Everything about him had been off from the moment he turned around and hugged her there in his shop. He was needy, desperate, and though their coupling had been over nearly as quickly as it had begun, Carine felt that he had made love to her for the very first time.

And then he broke her heart.

She only wanted to know  _ why. _

The Elezen landed at the gates of the frozen city, handing her griffin over to a random hand while muttering something about being right back, and made for the Borel estate as quickly as her numb limbs could carry her. She rushed ahead with a single-minded determination that kept her tired body moving until she finally reached the door with the heavy brass knocker, and only then did she give pause. Should she knock? It was well past midnight, Aymeric’s butler would already be long gone and the man himself would most likely be asleep. Should she use the key? That would probably give him the wrong impression and the last thing she needed was another misunderstanding over this godsdamed thing. 

She groaned in frustration before giving in and knocking on the door, and she didn’t stop until she saw a light flickering in the window to let her know that someone was coming. She wrapped her arms about her, blowing into her frozen fingers and rubbing them together as the door unlocked and cracked open. 

“Do you have any idea what time it-,” Aymeric grumbled, pulling his thick woolen robe tighter around his body to shield himself from the cold. His eyes widened as he caught sight of Carine standing there nearly frozen on his doorstep. “Carine? What are you doing here? Is everything well, my friend?” he asked, no longer hesitating to open the door wide enough to let her in. 

“M-may I c-come in?” Her teeth were chattering and her body convulsing in a fit of shivers that raked up and down her spine. He nodded and stood out of her way as she rushed into the building, heading straight to the fireplace. It had long since died out, the coals barely letting off enough heat to break through the chill that consumed her, but she clamoured for its warmth. 

“Do not mistake what I am going to offer as something inappropriate, but the fire in my room is still warm,” Aymeric looked down at the floor, his cheeks flushing red. “Only if you are comfortable with it, that is.”

Carine couldn’t work her mouth to talk, so she just nodded and followed him up the stairs and down the hall to his personal bedchamber. After all the times that she had been here in his home, after all the sweet gentle kisses and tender caresses and the longing for  _ more _ , she had never once been into his room. It was quite spacious with a very large four-poster bed with blue and gold trimmed bedding tossed to the side from where he had been sleeping just a few minutes before. True to his word, the fireplace still had a few low flames and was giving off enough heat that she felt as though she really were thawing out. 

The Lord Commander waited for her to finish warming up, busying himself by making some tea down in the kitchen. Meanwhile, the Warrior of Light was trying to think of the best thing to say to him without completely ruining his night, now that she had already woken him after what was probably a long day. The last thing she wanted to do was break his heart like hers was currently breaking. 

“You had me worried, my friend. ‘Tis not often someone comes to my door this late in the evening,” he said once he returned with the hot tea. 

“I didn’t mean to worry you. I-I just needed to talk,” she replied softly, sitting as close to the fire as she dared. Aymeric unceremoniously took a seat beside her, opening his arms as he always did so she could snuggle against him.

As comforting as that thought was, Carine couldn’t bring herself to do it. 

“What troubles you?” he asked, his tone serious and concerned. She could see the flash of hurt pass through his pale blue eyes, and she felt her confidence fading as she turned away to look back into the flames.

“I-I can’t keep this,” she said, pulling the black box with his key in it and handing it to him. “It means the world to me that you would even consider this, but Eorzea will always need me, I will always be the Warrior of Light. I cannot expect you to wait for a day that will never come.”

Aymeric took the box from her hands, turning it over in his own before setting it deliberately between them. “Make no mistake, Carine, I know your place in this. I only hoped that perhaps when your burden was not so heavy-”

“‘Tis the problem. I do not know if my burden will ever not be heavy enough to give you everything you deserve. And even if it were to ever lighten...I do not deserve you, nor do you deserve someone like me,” she sighed. 

“I don’t understand...” he replied, his hand covering hers. “Why talk of yourself this way? What happened?” His concern was endearing and so precious to her that she felt her heart breaking. “I have not tried to hide my feelings toward you, but I did not wish to push you towards something you weren’t ready for. Perhaps giving you the key was too soon...”

There was only so much she could take.

“Aymeric, I’ve been sleeping with someone else. I did before you gave me this key and have continued ever since,” she told him, lifting her eyes to his so he could see the truth behind her harsh words. They had certainly taken the man by surprise as his mouth opened slightly before closing again and his eyes looked anywhere but at her. She couldn’t blame him for any anger or resentment he felt towards her right now, but she also couldn’t believe how much better she felt for getting it off her chest. It had been so easy to forget him when wrapped up with Nero, and it hadn’t been the slightest bit fair to the man that had been so patiently waiting on her to give him an answer, a man that had been waiting on  _ her _ to feel the things towards him that he already felt.

“Seems I may need something a bit stronger than tea,” he murmured, standing up and disappearing out of the room, leaving Carine to wallow in her guilt. 

_ So much for not breaking his heart. You just have to make everyone around you feel just as terrible and lonely as you do right now, _ she scolded herself as she brought her knees to her chest.  _ Some Warrior of Light I am. _

Aymeric returned a few moments later with a bottle of brandy and two glasses, which he generously filled before handing one to her. He took a seat in a chair this time, keeping some distance between them as he drank from his glass, his eyes staring into the fireplace. Carine wished she knew what to say, how to comfort him without hurting him further, but she was certain there were no words to ease this tension between them. 

“There was a time, sometime after you arrived at Ishgard, when last I drank this,” the Elezen began, tilting his glass in his hand. “I had bought in in celebration of your and Haurchefant’s surprising announcement.”

Carine flushed at the memory, the way everyone had looked upon her with wide eyes and open mouths as Haurchefant had so carelessly announced to his family that she would be the woman he was going to marry. Of course, nothing had been discussed between the two of them, especially considering the war that was at hand, but he had just been so confident and proud to be with  _ her _ that he had no doubts that they would be together forever. Those had been such simple times when the world was at their feet and nothing but the future to look forward to. A time before she learned true loss. A time before she learned true fear. A time before she had lost her way. 

“I won’t lie to you, I was envious of him. I asked him while we shared this brandy how he had managed to win you over. The Warrior of Light, falling for Lord Haurchefant Greystone. It was something of a fairytale playing out right before our eyes,” he went on. “Do you know what he said to me?”

“Knowing him, it could be anything,” she chuckled softly. Aymeric smiled sweetly at her and took another sip

“First he said ‘with my charming smile and stunning good looks of course!’ but then he told me something that I had hoped to live by. He said that he tried to live without regret. Somehow he knew that if he never took that step to ask you to dinner that he would regret it for the rest of his days. He told me it took several attempts to talk you into it, but it didn’t keep him from trying, that if you were for him, you would be worth it.”

The Warrior of Light felt tears spring into her eyes and flow freely down her cheeks. This was the last thing she expected to talk about, and it was doing nothing for the ache in her chest. If anything, she felt more guilty for her actions. 

“I tried to uphold that view on life, hence why I had asked you to dinner that time after you fell my father and the times I invited you for wine on several other occasions. It was also why I offered you that key.”

Carine flinched at the implication. He had been trying to tell her how he felt, trying to take a chance with her, and she had only strung him along without a second thought. Oh, before Nero, she had certainly enjoyed his attention and craved that affection. He had been the perfect gentleman, not wanting to rush her into anything she wasn’t ready for, nothing so soon after losing both a dear friend and lover.

“And I just told you that I was sleeping with someone else. I assume you must regret all of that now. I-I wish there were words enough to apologize,” she hid her face in her hands (after setting her glass to the side of course). 

Aymeric stood from where he was and took his place beside her again, this time his hand taking the box from between them and setting it on a small table nearby. “The only thing I regret is not trying harder, my friend. I could not regret caring for you, even if you are not able to return those feelings,” he reassured her, pulling her in for a hug. “Sometimes it is so easy to forget you are like the rest of us, that you have your own needs and desires that drive you. ‘Tis not by any fault of your own that I do not meet those needs.

“You will always find a friend in me, Carine, for I treasure that above anything else.”

He allowed her to cry into his shoulder, holding and comforting her like the perfect man that he was. She did not deserve his kindness or his forgiveness, yet he found it within his heart to bestow both upon her. 

“Thank you. I am unworthy of your kindness, but I thank you,” she sniffled, pulling away and giving him a gentle smile. 

“Forgive me, my friend, ‘tis no business of mine, but did something happen to cause you this much distress? I cannot imagine you traveling all this way in the middle of the night just to return my key,” he asked her, wiping away a tear from her eye. 

“I would have been better off loving you,” she said, turning her head to hide her shame. “It seems I have my own regrets in not saying things I should have.”

“Perhaps there is still time to rectify the situation?” he offered. Again, he was far more than she ever deserved, but she couldn’t deny that he had a point. She knew she wouldn’t arrive back in Gridania before the sun rose in the sky, but Nero had an entire shop of things that he had been collecting and gathering in her basement. Surely he wouldn’t have had it all packed yet. 

There was still time.

“I shouldn’t have disturbed you, Aymeric, but glad am I that I did. I don’t know how to thank you or make this up to you, but I promise that I will try,” she told him, gathering herself to stand. 

“Consider this as repayment for all you have done for myself and for Ishgard. ‘Tis hardly a fair trade, but you owe me nothing,” he replied, giving her a gentle and platonic hug before kissing the top of her head and following her down the stairs to see her off.

She went back to the stables at the city gates, but rather than use her weary griffin for such a long flight back home, she went to the Fortemps Chocobos and wrote a note explaining where it had gone and that she would send it back as soon as it had been properly fed and rested. 

Carine didn’t want to waste anymore time if there was a chance to tell Nero how she felt, to say the words she hadn’t wanted to say, the words he  _ needed _ to hear. 

**\---------------**

He wasn’t at her house upon her return. He still had things in the shop downstairs, but it had been quite obvious he had worked on making progress by moving his things out as quickly as possible. Carine didn’t mind, she knew as long as his things were here, he would have to return to collect them.

He didn’t like to  _ share _ afterall. 

Unfortunately, Nero never came back to get the last of his things. Carine tried several times to contact him through the linkpearl until she found his device among his things tossed carelessly into the bin. She should have known he would break all contact with her, anything to rid himself of having to deal with whatever feelings she brought out in him. 

That still didn’t keep her from holding out a sliver of hope that he would come by to get the last of his things, even if she only had a few hours until she had to meet Cid at the Airship Landing in New Gridania. As angry and hurt as she was by the arrogant bastard, she felt at fault for things turning out as they did. If what she assumed was correct, Nero probably had not gone a day in his life feeling more for someone than he did for himself. Perhaps it was all too much for him...

A knock on the door brought Carine out of her thoughts, making her realize just how late it was. She hadn’t even packed her things yet for Doma and she was keeping Cid and his crew waiting, which meant that their ship and Tataru were waiting. That wasn’t a scolding she looked forward to.

She ran to the door and opened it to reveal Cid Garlond standing there with his arm raised and ready to knock again. "What are you doing here?”  
“Don’t tell me you forgot you were supposed to be leaving today? We waited for as long as we dared, but I grew worried for you,” he smiled cheerily at her. 

“I didn’t forget, I-I just lost track of time. Please, come in. I’ll make some tea while you wait for me to get the last of my things together,” she apologized, letting her friend into her home and making her way to the kitchen. 

“‘Tis not like you to be late like this. Everything alright?” he asked, expressing his concern as she handed him a cup and urged him to sit. 

“Yes and no. I’ll be fine though, no need to worry,” she smiled in what she hoped was a reassuring way. 

Cid regarded her wordlessly for a few moments, reminding her that she still needed to grab her bow and a few more clothes to wear when trekking about the East. “You trouble yourself too much. We’ve all been worried lately that we have put too much on your shoulders.”

“Nothing I cannot handle, I promise,” she replied with a wave. 

They said nothing more as she continued to gather the last of her things into her satchel. With everything in its place and ready to go, Carine finally was able to return to her friend who was sitting by the hearth holding a familiar pair of magitek glasses in his hands. He looked up at her and then back at the spectacles and then back at her again. 

“Ever seen anything quite so hideous before?” he asked with a shake of his head. Carine froze, wondering where he found those and how she had possibly missed them when she had been cleaning earlier. 

“Er-they aren’t  _ so _ bad once you get used to them,” she blushed, reaching out and taking them. 

“I question if it is even possible to get used to such a gaudy design,” he barked in laughter, his grey eyes shining in humor. “I’m surprised you fancy them at all.”

“What can I say? They have the ability to grow on you when near them enough,” she replied, her eyes softening as she held them close. “I suppose you could say I’ve come to love them more than I thought I would.”

Cid spit out his tea at that, his cup clamouring against the glass plate as he set it upon the mantle above the hearth. “Seven hells, please tell me that we are still talking about the blasted glasses and not the man who wore them!”

Carine turned her lilac eyes to the man she considered a dear friend. If there was anyone in this world that even came close to knowing Nero more than she did, it would be him. Cid stared at her in disbelief, running a thick hand through his long, white hair and then tugging on his beard before sitting down and rubbing his face. “Cid...”

“Carine, I don’t think you understand what you are getting yourself into. I thought things were going well with Ser Aymeric in Ishgard? Weren’t the two of you close?” he asked, resting his elbows upon his knees and regarding her with disappointment. 

“We were, but things happened. Tell me, what is your opinion of Nero as a person?” she asked, sitting across from him and holding his gaze. 

“By the Twelve, he really got to you, didn’t he? You should know that he can be that way. He’s a manipulative bastard, one I thought you smart enough to see through. Not to mention that he’s as old as I am...”

“Which isn’t much older than I,” she reminded him. “And I know how he can be. I-I just...” she began.

“You want to know if there is any good in him,” he stated, giving her a hard look. “Aye, you and I both witnessed his  _ ability _ for good, but only should it serve his selfish goals. The man cares not a whit for anyone other than himself.”

“I don’t think that is true, not anymore,” she replied. 

“Oh you don’t, do you? Tell me then why do  _ you _ think he came to the Scions with his knowledge of Omega?” Cid started, standing and pacing around the room. “He couldn’t get past the blasted Imperials that were scouting the area. Even if he had, he didn’t have his precious  _ toys _ to fight them off. He did it only to save his own skin. Do you really think you could change a man like that?” he asked her.

“I am not trying to change him, Cid. If he has changed, ‘tis of his own doing, even if I may have influenced that change,” she explained. She had hoped for the pilot to have a somewhat better opinion of the man he had once called friend, but it seemed that wasn’t the case. 

“Think, Carine. Think about all he has to gain from winning your affection? Already you have set him free when we had him within our grasp to keep an eye on his plans. Free to find Omega on his own and use it for gods know what!”

“I don’t disagree with you,” she sighed.

“Then you know that trashing those glasses and staying away from him is the best possible thing you can do for yourself,” Cid sighed in turn, taking his seat beside her once more. “Do I even want to know how long this has been going on?”

“Do you remember that day when I stormed into your shop back in Revenant’s Toll?”

“Forget I asked,” he muttered, shaking his head. “Explains that shit-eating grin and his jolly attitude after you left...” 

They sat there, the silence stretching between them as the Garlean tried to understand why she had come to care for his rival and while she tried to find a way to understand Nero better. 

“He came to me that night. The night you dropped me off after the days I had spent healing in Rhalgr’s Reach. He was the only one to come to me, the only one to care enough to stay with me while I nearly gave in to the weight of everything,” she began, her eyes locked on her twisting hands. “He stormed in that front door, calling out my name in a fit of rage that I hadn’t known him capable of. He stopped being so mad when he found me here in this very chair. Sure I was drunk, but I remember the look of rage being replaced with that of concern...”

Cid had stayed quiet, his silver eyes watching her as she recounted that night of Nero taking care of her. She told him how he had helped her sober up by bathing her, how he had seen her scars, how he had stayed with her through the night and for the week to come, and the more she told him, the wider his eyes got.

“I’ll be damned,” he said once she was finished. “Didn’t think it possible that he would be capable of doing all of that for anyone. He certainly never did that during our time in the Academy.”

“I know we should be going, but I just wanted to wait long enough to see if he would come back. I don’t think he is, but I had to hope,” she let out a heavy sigh and grabbed her things. “If you will take this, I’ll be right behind you.”

Her friend nodded, grabbing her satchel and her bow and walked out the door while she grabbed a parchment and a pen and made her way down the steps. It was cold and dark and dank in the basement now that there was no sign of life to animate it. The door to the shop creaked as she opened it to reveal an even darker sight of barrels and boxes and scattered tools and magitek everywhere. She turned on one of the lights, just enough to see by as she found one of the barrels that seemed to have some of the more important pieces of magitek sitting in it and left her simple note:  _ When I return, we need to talk. _

It was the best she could do, given the situation, and she hoped beyond reason that he would see it and come back, even just long enough for her to say the words that weighed on her heart. Carine turned to his cot where the awful red and gold shirt of his lay that she had been wearing the day the Scions called her to work. She picked it up and buried her face into the soft, expensive fabric, scenting the faintest traces of  _ him _ still on it. Perhaps he had left it on purpose, a memory he didn’t want to remember, or perhaps he had simply forgotten to grab it. Either way, the Warrior of Light decided that she intended on keeping it, just in case. If anything, it would remind her of the hope that she had that he might be waiting for her to return from Doma. 

Even just to make sure he got his blasted gaudy shirt back.


End file.
